i think i scared a bird with my dick
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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