call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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