he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That accounts for only three of the penises
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
