pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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