i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
