You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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