what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
