just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
