My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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