Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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