Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
