When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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