She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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