he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
