5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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