I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
