I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just made out with a guy for $7.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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