We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
