3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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