If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
