what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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