I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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