The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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