There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
