wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
