I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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