Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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