Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
