dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
