it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
