Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
