dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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