A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize