then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
God, I missed his penis.
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