remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
