Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
