Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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