I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
