is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
