We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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