so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
