umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
