Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
