It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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