We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
