you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
