don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
