boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
