I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
