One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you win again, gameday.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize