You're my little dorito
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize