also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
