Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
