you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize