she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
