It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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