I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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