this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
