GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
