You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
