Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
