So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
