Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
