what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
