You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
