can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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