Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
