..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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