The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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