I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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