a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
