eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
