my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
