If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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