She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
