just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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