had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
