I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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