I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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