Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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