was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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