We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
