thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
