4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
