so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
