Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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