If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
