i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
