hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
