Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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