We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
