I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
