If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Everclear isn't food dammit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
