dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
