Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
