That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
