He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
