So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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