And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
