I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
