Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
