He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
