I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
