Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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