My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to calm my uterus...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
