Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
