she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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