Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
