nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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