She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize