we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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