May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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