just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
