i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
