If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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